“April showers brings May flowers” – This saying has always resonated with me. I love spring. I think it is one of the most beautiful seasons, flowers are blooming, leaves are coming back on the trees, the air feels fresh and clean. However, now that I am living in Southern California I basically get summer all year round. But living in NYC and going to Central Park in the springtime was breathtaking. Spring and Fall are my favorite seasons. Among many reason, one being they are breathtakingly beautiful and filled with rich colors but also because I feel like they are a constant reminder that change is inevitable. Change is a constant, changing is continually happening around us, whether we are aware of it or not. In a way it’s like a friendly reminder that change is natural. It is something that needs to happen.
This saying also makes me thing about how you can’t rush the May Flowers without the April Showers. In my life, I catch myself constantly rushing to the finish line. When I was little I couldn’t wait until I was an adult. In college, I was ready to have my career. When I went to treatment for my eating disorder, I was ready to be fully recovered. I find I’m constantly worrying about the end results rather than what is right in front of me. The “showers” and storms are the things that help the flowers grow. In my life, it is the obstacles, challenges, the “storms” that are where the real growth comes from. It also makes me think of the saying life is about the journey not the destination. Life is what happens when we live in the present, we take in the beauty that surrounds us. What I’ve continued to learn and realize is that the storm will pass and great opportunities are waiting on the other side. Until I go through the storm though I can’t make it out the other side.
In my yoga practice for the month of April, my class focus was on working on the need for change in ourselves. Allowing the universe to guide us through our practice, not rushing in and disrupting the process so that we could come out at the end of the month as new flowers. As cheesy as this might sound. I loved it. I love the idea of it. And I felt it. Once, I stopped the need to push things or force the growth. It naturally happened. In being a “rusher” or “control freak,” more often than not, I would prolong the thing I was trying to fix, or I would allow the thing I was trying to prevent to happen. So therefore, when I let go of my need for control the more in line the outcome I was hoping for would happen. It makes me think of when we water plants. We can’t force the plant to grow with constantly prying at it. “Water it more.” “Let me move it here under the sun” or “No maybe over here by this window.” “It’s still not working, maybe I should just put it here, and water it some more.” Constantly check the buds to see if they are ready to bloom. In my life, I found myself in the need to make it better but I would only want it if it was on my watch. Partially because, I worried what will happen if I just let something be. Realizing now, that allowing things to just be is when I actually get the results I want. Everything works out the way it is suppose to. It is more harmonious and flows better when there isn’t nagging little disruptions.
After leaving my treatment center a few months ago, I find myself in this transition phase. This phase sometimes feels even harder than treatment itself. However, with all the constant reminders from nature that surround me, I try and remind myself that change is inevitable. That in order to come out the other side, I have to face the “showers.” That more storms will probably come but they will also go and when they leave they will bring about beautiful change and “flowers.”