It’s My Birthday Suit

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With Kim Kardashian posting her newest nude photo of instagram and the comments that followed it really got me thinking. It’s interesting how some women will respond with joining in like Sharon Osbourne saying how Kim inspired her. Or on the flip side P!nk will post something on twitter in response saying “Shout out to all the women, across the world, using their brain, their strength, their work ethic, their talent, their “magic” that they were born with, that only they possess. It may not bring you as much ‘attention’ or bank notes as using your body, your sex, your tits and asses, but women like you don’t need that kind of ‘attention’. In the quiet moments, you will feel something deeper than the fleeting excitement resulting from attention, you will feel something called pride and self-respect.” I think there is a way in which we can own our bodies and be proud of all that it does for us, but with being comfortable in your body and skin there is so much more than just a body you have to offer.

On instagram the pictures that typically get the most likes are half naked women. I feel like constantly celebrities will post a nude or super revealing photo do gain some publicity. When Miley Cyrus was trying to break away from the Disney Channel she did this in a number of ways, but by exposing her body and posting overly sexual photos of herself was a main avenue. She claimed she wasn’t a little girl anymore. So by not being a “little girl” does it mean running around half naked is the way to demonstrate that? With celebrities doing things to enhance their career how are they affected how girls view their bodies, or are younger generations than stuck with believing the way to climb the chain and get fame is through their bodies?

I’ve gone all over the spectrum with how I feel about exposing ones body. As someone who has struggled with an eating disorder for a long time, and someone who for a long time believed all I had to offer the world was my body, I’ve completely changed my perspective of how I own my body. As someone who was pursuing the entertainment industry, besides acting I did burlesque and modeling where my body was put on display. I initially thought by doing burlesque, it would help with my eating disorder. It was a chance for me to expose myself in a creative way and say here I am. this is me, raw. It did help for a little, but then it caused me to be more obsessed with how my body looked. I still think burlesque is a beautiful art form, but I grew to realize that it wasn’t for me. It didn’t fall in line with my bigger picture. It reminds me of my voice teacher in NYC, who encouraged me to dabble in burlesque but to move on past it after a while. She would say how she felt that I was using it as a crutch and using my body instead of my voice and talent. I became very unhappy, I didn’t like how I was feeling. Or how people then thought of me as dumb or selling myself short. I had mistakenly pigeon holed myself into only getting roles that were the sexy-ditzy type. I would stop myself, wait no! This isn’t what I wanted, this isn’t what I went to college for! This was never in my mind for my bigger picture.

This would carry into my relationships were I would only feel valuable to them during sex. I had a detachment from my body and my feelings. I felt so numb and dead inside that I didn’t care how my body was treated. Hurt and abuse were at least feelings I was feeling and confirmed that I didn’t need to be respected.

While I was in treatment, I found a new love and appreciation for my body. I had mistreated my body for so long, with starving myself, throwing up, over working it, letting people do things I never wanted, drinking myself until I was black out. I did so much and my body is still fighting and going for me. I for the first time feel healthy. I feel like my body is acting and responding the way it should to food. I can concentrate better, when I read books, I can actually read them, verses forgetting them. My memory was constantly failing me when I was in my eating disorder, but now, that I’m taking care of it. It’s as if my body is telling me “thank you for finally taking care of me, for giving me nutrition. I am actually physically able to do things I had always loved to do, like riding my bike, dancing, and now surfing without feeling weak and tired. I’m in a relationship now, where I actually feel intimate. I feel like my girlfriend is looking at me and my body with love and care. Giving it some TLC.

I think as women, we have so much more to offer the world than just our bodies, and it’s time we stick together and use our work ethic, are special gifts to rock society.  I think by women continuing to show off their tits and ass to get ahead in life it keeps the pattern going. It keeps it as a norm, rather than a “FUCK you, I have so much more to offer you than just my body.” “I am more than tits and ass” Show casing all that we as individuals can do, the thoughts, and inspirations that could come out. The deeper conversations that could be sweeping the media, and ‘breaking the internet’ than who wore what, or who showed the most skin? Are they being trashy? Are they owning their body? By not doing that, we can actually address deeper issues going on worldwide.

For me too, after treatment, I’ve reached a point in my life, where sharing my body is only for someone I deem worthy. I think there is something special about saving and sharing your body with someone you love. Saving it all for them and only them. I have this new found love for my body, so I do not want anyone looking or touching it who isn’t going to give it the true appreciation it deserves.

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